Balding

Dear Jefferson,

I know this is one that you can relate to, so that is why I come to you…oh wise one…for counsel.

I am LOSING MY HAIR! I never thought I would see the day when I walked aimlessly up and down the hair care product aisle looking for Rogaine, but the day has sadly come. I heard they have this fantastic foam now that is more reasonable to apply, etc. Then if I wasn’t paranoid enough about losing my hair…my wife was cutting my hair the other night (what is left of it) and I wanted it shorter than normal. After cleaning up and showering I looked in the mirror and found a whitish/gray hair on my sideburn. I then found a few other smaller gray looking hairs.

Being a red head is what I have always been…what will I do when I have to be a bald head or a gray head? You gotta love aging!

Anyway, I remember you having a shirt on at a reunion a few years back that read “Got Hair?”…sorry if I was insensitive during this time, Mother Nature is getting her revenge!

Yours truly,
Opie in limbo

Dear Opie,

You should not worry about this problem. Although a great tragedy it is, you are already married! I mean really, why else do men need hair other than to woo women? (Same goes for brushing our teeth, washing our clothes, and definitely changing our underwear).

I started losing my hair while I was in high school. I would cry myself to sleep every night thinking that girls would shy away from my sparkling personality because of my hairless head. Then after a time a small miracle happened. I met a partially blind woman, who is now my lovely wife Jennifer.* It didn’t matter to her that I was bald (and fat). She couldn’t care less what I looked like but just that I let my true personality shine!

So Opie, listen to me and let it go! You can put on all the creams and ointments in the world, but you are just prolonging the pain and misery. Once you pass the first stage of grieving, which is denial, you will be well on your way to depression. Trust me its like heaven there. Except when the teasing comes and I can guarantee that it will…just remember the scripture found in 2 Kings Chapter 2 verses 23-24.

In the off chance that you go gray before you go bald, just be grateful you at least have hair that you can color. You should view this as a wonderful opportunity to experiment with other colors. I personally enjoy the natural skin color.

So give your wife a kiss and thank her for loving you in-spite of your many faults.

*Jennifer is not really blind