Apendigitis

Dear Strongbad… I mean, Jefferson,

For a long time I have struggled with the fact that I was born with abnormally long arms. Will you please explain why I was chosen to suffer this curse? Any words of solace you might provide would be appreciated.

Gerrod

Dear Gerrod,

Normally such an insult like comparing me to someone as insignificant as Strongbad would fall under my "Refusal to reply policy." However, considering the fact that you could soon die, (and that you are my brother-in-law) I will respond to your query. Before I enlighten you with my brilliance I will share an inspirational story provided by someone very close to me named Jenneefur. It goes like this:

Some of the animals in the jungle became upset over their appearance and the way they were made. Attempting to get some answers to settle their grievances they approached God to find out the reasoning behind their design.

First the Giraffe spoke up and said to God, "Why do I have such a long neck?" His reply, "To reach the food at the tops of the tree of course. Others might run out of food as they scavenge on the ground and in the bushes, but you will always have plenty to eat at the tops of the trees.”

Satisfied with his answer he left and the Elephant began to speak his mind saying to God, "Why are my ears so big and why do I have this long nose?" And God said, "You may hear danger from miles away with these ears I have provided. You may clean yourself and pick up food with your great long trunk."

Again, with another satisfactory answer the animal left. It was now the Chickens turn to say a few words. And he said, "All right, you're not fooling anybody. Either make the hole bigger or the egg smaller!"

Now that you have had a good laugh I shall give you the bad news. Gerrod, you suffer from what is called Appendagitis. It is a very rare disease that causes one or more of your limbs to stretch longer than the others. It is a rare disease that has major consequences. If you do not get this looked at you could suffer serious pain and even death. Just to give you an idea of what could happen if you let it go untreated I have taken a recent photo of you and have used a digital imaging process to show you what you might look like in 10 years.






...........BEFORE

...........AFTER

So you see Gerrod, this is really no laughing matter. I mean look at that arm. WOW!!! In your question you mentioned what curse this was to you. Just be grateful it’s only your arms, which are the same length, and not just one leg, or one arm, or one leg and one arm. No Gerrod, you are not cursed, but blessed!