Since your services were so helpful in my previous posting, I will now ask a second, much more serious question.
I have a mole on my back. It grows one single hair. It's not much, but it is long. I've always been fond of my hairy friend. But recently I went to a swimming party, and when I took off my shirt, my friends gasped. They were pointing and whispering to each other. (One of them gagged a little into her cup).
It's not me that I'm worried about, but my mole. I think it hurt my mole's feelings because ever since then my hair hasn't grown the same. It's a little weak, and may be turning...gray.
How can I rekindle the excitement?
One Hair Mole
Dear Fur Coated Mole,
I’ll be honest with you. That is awesome. Not really though. It’s freaking gross is what it really is. Your problem is really quite simple, but I can see how others might misinterpret your abnormal, absolutely grotesque, protrusion. So please follow me as I walk you through my completely accurate interpretation of what your mole is trying to tell you.
That’s right hidden deep inside this mole is meaning incomprehensible to many. You see Mr. Mole, what your body is telling you, ever so subtlety, is: first, you are lacking hair, and second, you are lacking ethnic relationships.
To put it bluntly, your friend’s reaction to your obscene growth is NOT the reason for this weakening excitement. No, it is actually your inability to recognize your body’s need for new friends. After some intense rearched I have discovered the criteria your body requires for your new best friend and he should look something like the guy to your right.
Once you begin to act on your body’s wants and needs you will find that the mole, or what ever you want to call it, will soon shrink away. The bond you once had with your mole will grow and become fruitful once again, only with a real person.
The hair you mentioned, Mr. Mole, is just wrong. You might want to get that looked at.
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