I am in desperate need of help and I hope that you can provide it. It all started a few years back when my sister got married. I was excited to meet the guy and when I did, he lived up to everything my sister had built him up to be. I invited him to play a friendly game of foosball AND HE ROCKED ME!!! He beat me so bad that I got a headache just from thinking about how bad he beat me. Now I'm a pretty competitive guy, but it takes a lot to get me angry, but the way he beat me just frustrated me! I decided that our next meeting would not be so uneven. I practiced against the local kids, against my little sisters, against anyone who would play me. I thought I was ready to beat this jerk, but when we started, HE SHUT ME OUT WITH ONE HAND!!!!! I got so mad I started bleeding from the ears!!!! I want to beat this guy so bad, but I just can't seem to get there. I have been so concentrated on doing it; I've gained weight, lost my girl and am losing my hair. Help Jefferson, you’re my only hope!
Yours Truly,
Foosloser
Dear Loser,
As the generous and decent person that I am, I will graciously accept and respond to your inquiry. As a foosball professional myself I have so much information to impart upon you. As you adhere to my council you will inevitably rise and become one of the greatest foosball players to ever grace the tables.
Your first step to your eventual foos domination is to STOP beating up on little kids and girls! Who does that? Come on man!
Your second step is to never accept defeat. Punish yourself for losing. The best method I have found for this is to slam your fingers in the door multiple times until blood is drawn. This will instill in your mind that defeat is not an option.
Your third step will be to exercise. By running 12.5 miles every day you will be in the shape of your life. Endurance is the key when it comes to foosball.
Lastly, don’t call your brother-in-law a jerk. That’s mean.
By following and studying these fool-proof steps and the provided chart (click to enlarge) you will obtain complete foosball domination! Or, if none of this helps, you can just pick another sport to beat him at, like racquetball.
1 comment:
Foosloser,
Don't worry, if this brother-in-law is who I think it is, I think he understands exactly how you feel. It is the same frustration he feels when he can't beat his own sister in ping pong. He keeps asking for a rematch every time he looses, but just gets more angry he can't beat her. What goes around comes around I guess.
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